I’ve been doing a lot of reflection over the past couple of weeks of what matters to me. What are my values and what are they based on. All of this really started to come to mind as I was visiting my family in Finland for the past two weeks and came across my old diaries and journals.

I have been a chronic people pleaser. I was always looking for approval from others and would often make choices based on what made other people happy. This also crossed over into my fitness lifestyle. I began working out because I felt it would make others happy. I began working towards a specific body size because I felt it would gain me more acceptance.

All of these people pleasing ideas ended up being more harmful than good. I was not focusing on what I needed or what was good for my body. Even when I thought I was doing well, someone would always find a way to criticize me or express disappointment.

I began to realize that there is no way to make everyone happy. Ever. I feel like this is something I have heard most of my life (from my mom especially) but I never really took it to heart because I felt like I still needed to try. The problem with this is that my value was based on others opinions on whether or not I did enough according to their standards.

I refuse to live this way and I certainly do not want my own children to live this way.

Why talk about this topic in a wellness blog? Well, I feel like I’ve seen a lot of clients who have created goals based on acceptance from others. The challenge with that type of goal setting is that it is short lived. You need to be the one who believes in the goals and feel the value of the goals.

Losing weight for someone else will not guarantee results or happiness. It is my experience, it is the opposite. It can add stress, anxiety and fear into the relationship.

Take time today to reflect on your goals. Are you doing them to make others happy? Or are you doing them because it is good for your body, health and your life circumstances?